Merriam-Webster’s defines ‘conscious’ thusly – perceiving, apprehending, or noticing with a degree of controlled thought or observation.
In the past, when hungry, I would think about eating. Now, when hungry, I think about food. What’s the difference? Well, it’s the difference between binging and eating. I would eat and eat and eat – without really tasting the food – just to satiate my ‘hunger’. I would consume large fries, two hamburgers, a large coke, a desert shake – and still be ‘hungry’. I was an eating machine.
Now, I sit down at the kitchen table – always at the kitchen table – and I think about each and every bite. I savor the food, tasting every bite. And, amazingly, within a few bites (usually less than 15), I’m full. And, when I find myself getting hungry, I think about what I really, really want to eat, and I eat it.
After each bite, I try not to let my mind wander. I really focus on the food. Once I swallow, I spend about one minute, and I think about my day, or my responsibilities, or I spend it praying. Then, I take another bite and I really, really focus.
Now, for those who are new here, I’ve spent 15 years shoveling food into my mouth – or starving myself to lose weight. And, literally, for the first time ever, I feel like I’m in control. Even when I lost weight on other diets, I always felt like I was ‘faking’ it until I could eat like I really wanted. As far as I can tell, I’ll want to eat the way I’m eating now, for the rest of my life. Amazing. I cannot tell you how weird the last three days have felt. But, I can tell you, I’m more excited than I’ve been in a long, long, long, long time.