Merriam-Webster’s defines ‘conscious’ thusly – perceiving, apprehending, or noticing with a degree of controlled thought or observation.

In the past, when hungry, I would think about eating.  Now, when hungry, I think about food.  What’s the difference?  Well, it’s the difference between binging and eating.  I would eat and eat and eat – without really tasting the food – just to satiate my ‘hunger’.  I would consume large fries, two hamburgers, a large coke, a desert shake – and still be ‘hungry’.  I was an eating machine.

Now, I sit down at the kitchen table – always at the kitchen table – and I think about each and every bite.  I savor the food, tasting every bite.  And, amazingly, within a few bites (usually less than 15), I’m full.  And, when I find myself getting hungry, I think about what I really, really want to eat, and I eat it.

After each bite, I try not to let my mind wander.  I really focus on the food.  Once I swallow, I spend about one minute, and I think about my day, or my responsibilities, or I spend it praying.  Then, I take another bite and I really, really focus.

Now, for those who are new here, I’ve spent 15 years shoveling food into my mouth – or starving myself to lose weight.  And, literally, for the first time ever, I feel like I’m in control.  Even when I lost weight on other diets, I always felt like I was ‘faking’ it until I could eat like I really wanted.  As far as I can tell, I’ll want to eat the way I’m eating now, for the rest of my life.  Amazing.  I cannot tell you how weird the last three days have felt.  But, I can tell you, I’m more excited than I’ve been in a long, long, long, long time.

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